Mario Kart is another one of those games which I buy compulsively. I had stopped myself from buying the latest 3DS version because while I am a fan of the series, I feel like Mario Kart is something that is better appreciated as a multiplayer game. When four of my friends and coworkers decided to buy a 3DS at the same time a few weeks ago(Walmart sale!), we made the pact to acquire Mario Kart 7 and turn lunch break into kart madness.
I have been playing the game very frequently in the last few weeks, to the point where I feel safe enough in my knowledge of the product to give it a fair review. I have unlocked every character, I have played all the courses, but I am still working on the kart parts. What follows is my unorganized, but thorough review.
The review starts here
GOOD: The cars are weird, but that's OK
Mario Kart 7 decides to go all in with the kart customizations. I have always appreciated in previous games when you could pick the kart independently from the racer, but this time, you can mix and match the frames, the wheels and the gliders (you know, to help you kart FLY). The insanity of some of the choices available is very attractive to me. You can drive a cloud fitted with wheels made out of mushrooms if you want to because, you know, driving on mushrooms just gives you that much more grip on the asphalt. You can also drive a cactus, a train, an egg or even just a plain old race car if you're into having legitimate cars in your game where dinosaurs and bees can drive. I think it really is what I like the most about the Mario Kart series: it's the fact that it is completely unrealistic, but it is still very consistent in its logic. Did you know that putting wheels made out of sponge on your car will make it handle better under water? That's because sponges live in the sea! See? Totally makes sense.
BAD: Less characters than usual
There is still 16 characters or so, and the fact that every character in each weight class handles more or less the same makes it a moot point, but I really like having a lot of choice because... I don't know. Mario Kart: Double Dash!! and Mario Kart Wii already gave me a shitload of characters, and even though half of them were baby versions of other characters and most of them played pretty much the same, at least I had the illusion that my selection of character could make a difference. Previous games gave us the opportunity to race as Diddy Kong, or ROB the NES robot, or even that Waluigi guy that nobody cares about but which Nintendo tried to push down our throat for so many years. I was ecstatic when Funky Kong was made a playable character on the Wii because he's just that funky. This time, they reduce the number of characters, but still decide to include a giant caterpillar (which I will admit looks kind of funny crammed in a tiny kart) and a giant bee. Nintendo seems to think that giant insects are cute, but most of the world agrees that they are terrifying. Especially when that giant bee is wearing lipstick that it seems to apply as expertly as Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. How about including more famous characters? How about a goomba? I know that they have no arms, but it hasn't stopped Nintendo from including a plant as a driver before. Or how about a Hammer Brother? They have been a part of Mario games since the first one, and you could even include their hammers as a weapon in the game! Speaking of which...
GOOD/BAD: So many items in this game
It wouldn't be Mario Kart without a flurry of items unleashing chaos on every race. From the N64 to the Gamecube, I felt like the series had struck a balance where wins and loses were equally based on talent and the items that each player would acquire during a race. Since the Wii, I do believe that the series has gone overboard. The variety of items has improved again and it is a great thing, because getting nothing but bananas gets a bit tiring. However, the number of items that one can get in a race is mind-blowing, and honestly a bit aggravating. It feels like it's raining items. There are item boxes around every corner. It's impossible to race for more than 30 seconds without being hit by something. The frequency of items makes the races not only unpredictable (which is half the fun of these games), but it means that the ranking at the end is almost completely random (which is the less fun part). That sucks for people who usually hang near the top of the pack (myself, my friends Pat and Marco), but it's wonderful for guys who would otherwise never have a chance to win anything (my friend Martin). The items keep the game accessible for everyone, but FUCK, it's frustrating as hell for the top guys, to say the least.
GOOD: The tracks are fun and just a bit insane
I don't think I've ever been disappointed by the selection of new tracks with each new version of Mario Kart, so it's worth mentioning that Nintendo still got it. From memory, this version lets you race underwater, in a mash-up of Super Mario's most famous levels, in a city from the future run by Bowser, and in someone's music-fueled nightmare. The Rainbow Road is still dangerously crazy and lets you dodge asteroids. Some courses now feature sections instead of laps, which means that it takes away the redundancy and makes the race feel like and endurance test. The retro tracks also display a pretty good selection. They have the Koopa Beach from the Nintendo 64 version, which is good. They also have the Kalimari Desert course, but now you can't drive into the train tunnel. It wasn't really a shortcut, but it was fun to mess around with.
BAD: They don't have all of my favorite retro tracks
OK, so I would probably be fine if they simply remade all of the tracks from MK64, so I'll try to elaborate a little bit. Yoshi Valley with the giant egg and multiple paths was different and difficult. Royal Raceway had that crazy jump in the middle which 13-year old me was using to do "stunts", which were mostly landing in trees or in the water. Toad's Turnpike was really fun with the swerving into heavy traffic and trying to send your friends crashing into the passing cars. Wario Stadium had a shitload of jumps and felt like a motocross track and it was extremely long for a Mario Kart track. If you want to go outside of MK64, Donut Plains 3 on the SNES was fun with the broken bridge and the pond making for some great obstacles. Just steer clear of the Super Circuit tracks. They were OK for the system they were on, but they're not exactly exciting.
IDEA: How about licensed retro tracks?
When Super Mario Kart came along, it unleashed a storm of clones which has yet to end. Every console has a kart racing game, so I think it would be fun if Nintendo tried to licence some of their tracks for use in future Mario Kart games. Hell, even regular racing games could provide tracks for an all-star retro racing extravaganza. I remember really liking the nighttime course in Stunt Race FX for the SNES. There was also a lot of fun tracks in Street Racers, which is a really underrated game where you can play as a sumo on a car running on tank treads. How about Rock n Roll Racing? Blizzard hasn't done anything with their property since the 90's, so let someone else have some fun. Sega and Nintendo also look like they are the new super friends with those Sonic vs Mario Olympic Games crap. Why not ask to use some tracks from the Sonic racing games I've never played? If we're going even crazier, give me the Tattoine track from Star Wars Episode 1 Racer. Shells and bananas all over the place while trying to escape bullets from Tusken Raiders. SOUNDS AWESOME. I'll just finish this section by listing racing games which could lend tracks to the Mario Kart series and just let your mind take over. Extreme G, F-Zero, Cruis'n USA, Wave Race (why not?), Uniracers (HOW???)... COME ON!
GOOD: Sleek multiplayer mode
The multiplayer races are the same as regular grand prix against computer opponents, but with real people. So it's usually tougher. There's zero lag, it's frantic, and it's fun. There's isn't much else to say about that. However, once you're outside of the multiplayer mode, there's a neat little thing called The Mario Kart Channel which keeps tracks of everyone's stats: Wins, losses, coins collected. It makes bragging so much easier because you can back up what you're saying. It makes things tougher on some of the guys I work with, though. No friendships have been compromised at this point. I am thankful everyday for my coworkers' patience.
BAD: The extra modes are a bit lame
The battle mode in Mario Kart used to be fun, because it was a clusterfuck in which everybody had three balloons, and lost one each time they got hit. You lose your balloons, you're out, although in some versions you could come back as a ghost that was dropping bombs on unsuspecting victims. This new version gimps the battle mode by only allowing it to be a timed battle to see who can get the most hits. It doesn't feel as exciting because there's no real danger. You know that no matter how many times you get hit, you will come back and keep fighting. There's no sense of urgency anymore. The Coin Runners mode falls equally flat because there's no real fun in just driving around in a circle to make sure you have more coins than your adversaries. I'll just stick to racing this time.
GOOD: You can race up to eight ghosts in Time Trials mode
It used to be that you would race by yourself, or against a ghost which you previously established. Now, each track has an hallucinating number of ghosts available, most of them Mii characters from all over the world. I've seen some from France, some from Japan, and I don't know how they got into my console. Is it when I connect to the internet? Do they get sent automatically through the system's streetpass feature? All I know is that I can now race up to eight of these ghosts at the same time in Time Trials mode, which makes things a lot less dull since you need to do a lot of races in order to pick up enough coins to unlock everything. Some of these guys are really good and make me feel like a shit player, but then some of them are so awful that I can gain a full lap on them, so things even out. I just hope that somewhere, my Mii is driving around in some stranger's console and kicking ass. I haven't really compared myself with a lot of real people outside of my casually-playing coworkers. I hope I'm good.
NITPICKING: I want more options
There are some features from previous games that are missing. These didn't make the game that much better or worse, but they were neat to have. For example, on the Gamecube, you could race up to 16 courses in a row for one mega grand prix. It was pretty fun. On the DS, you could customize your grand prix to include a different number of races, so you could change it according to the time available to you. You could also change the number of laps per course, so you could create some crazy tests of endurance to drive everyone insane. Those options are gone. I miss them. It doesn't make Mario Kart 7 a bad game. It just would have made it perfect.
CONCLUSION
It's really fun. I mean, it's really, really fun, especially if you have a lot of people to play with. I can see how it could get dull as a single-player thing, but honestly, as a multiplayer experience, it's up there with Goldeneye and NHL, or with any other game which allows you to get in a room with a shitload of your friends and just enjoy the chaos. I recommend it. I'm not really good at giving actual notes, so let's say that if I was a kindergarten teacher, I would give Mario Kart 7 a gold star for all of its efforts.
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